I Need You Forever: Romantic Suspense, Military, Holiday, Contemporary, Erotica, Psychological Thriller (Need Series Book 5) Read online

  Copyright ©2016 by Cynthia P. O’Neill. All rights reserved.

  First Print Edition: March 2016

  Formatting: Champagne Formats, www.ChampagneFormats.com

  Editing: Mia Mincheff

  Cover Photo: Eric Battershell Photography

  Cover Models: Burton Hughes, Instagram:@ifbbpro_burton_hughes, Twitter: @burtonhughes

  Cover Designer: Randy Potvin of RP Designs

  Cologne mentioned:www.BuyArgos.com, www.ArgosFrangrances.com

  No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to locales, events, business establishments, or actual persons – living or dead – is entirely coincidental.

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Song Playlist

  Dedication

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Titan Security – Book 1

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Song Playlist

  I Need You Forever – Need # 5

  The songs can be found out on Spotify

  “What Have I Done to Deserve This” – Pet Shop Boys

  “Always On My Mind” – Pet Shop Boys

  “Glad You Came” – The Wanted

  “Because of You” – 98 Degrees

  “Feel Again” – One Republic

  “Chains” – Nick Jonas

  “If I Could Turn Back Time” – Cher

  “Stay With Me” – R5

  “Need You Now (How Many Times)” – Plumb

  “When I Look Into Your Eyes” – Firehouse

  “I Believe In You” – Stryper

  “Standing By” – Pentatonix

  To my husband, my life, my own personal forever – you inspire my dreams and some of my characters. Your belief, and your love for me, means everything and I love you always!

  To my family, you are my world and I love you!

  To Mia Mincheff, my editor…you are an amazing individual, a treasured friend in this crazy world. You’ve guided me through all my books as a beta reader and the past two as an editor. Your words of encouragement and wisdom mean the world to me. You help make me a better writer and for that I’m forever in your debt. I can’t say enough about your talent! It’s because of you, these books have come full circle.

  YESTERDAY HAD BEEN FRAUGHT with so much emotion that I needed to get away from my house, away from everyone, and just think. I was thankful my mom offered to take Nicola for a couple hours to let me sort out my thoughts.

  I drove around in circles not really paying attention to where I was headed, until I ended up here at the cemetery. I knew then what I needed to do.

  I stood at the edge of my wife’s grave: the grass perfectly green with a fresh set of red roses sitting in a vase against the base of her headstone. I don’t know why I keep coming here to talk to her, but I feel peaceful when I do.

  “I’ve finally forgiven him, Gabi. I didn’t want to do it. I wanted to hold on to the hatred I had for him the past two years, but it was beginning to eat me up inside. I finally opened all the reports to the accident that night and did some research. I realized Ethan was just as much a victim as you were. He almost died that night with you.

  “I thought about how mad I’d been, about how I wanted to chastise him. I’d even gone to his hospital door many times hoping to find him awake so I could punch him. But each time I heard your voice telling me to leave him alone. I saw the broken man that he’d become. I decided if he could fight his way back and wake up, I’d give him his space. It must mean he’s meant for this world.”

  I didn’t want to admit it, but I had to let her know. “Ethan’s a good man. He ended up saving your father’s company from financial ruin. He helped Rafe save his one true love, Dawn, from a crime boss hell bent on revenge. He even saved your cousin Marjorie. Despite our warnings, that girl up and married James. You know how much we hated him, and we had good reason to; he turned out to be a sadist under the influence of someone’s mind control. Can you believe the whole thing turned out to be jealousy from her former friend Cassandra? She was green with envy, wanting everything she couldn’t have including Marjorie’s life. No one ever imagined she’d be so vengeful and go to such extremes; she’d learned hypno-therapy and used James against Marjorie.

  I never thought I’d see Marjorie bounce back and recover from all that, but Ethan pulled her through and fell in love with her. They actually got married yesterday. You’d like him; he’s turned out to be a good fit for the family.”

  Running my hand through the grass, I sat there feeling my heart shatter like it did the night I was told she’d been in a wreck and was declared brain dead. “When I arrived at the hospital, I was wondering how I could ever move on. I couldn’t imagine a world without you, my sweet Gabi, and our precious baby who we’d wanted more than anything. However, I didn’t have much time to wallow. I quickly had to make a decision; our daughter still had a chance to live.”

  I hated going to her bedside day in and day out, talking only to my daughter in hopes that she’d soon be strong enough to leave her mother’s womb so her mother could move on. I prayed that the doctors were wrong and that my wife would wake up.

  “Why after two years does it hurt so badly to try and let you go? I know I avoided grieving for you so I could focus all of my attention on Nicola. I poured every moment of my time into her and into work. When I did have a free moment, I was exercising and pushing myself to work harder at everything.”

  I looked around to make sure no one could hear me; then, I screamed out as loud as I could, trying to release my anger, my tension, and my sorrow out into the universe. “WHY?”

  My fist came down hard onto the ground. I knew what the therapists said, what Kent, Master Marshall, and even my whole family has said. “Gabi, this needs to be my last visit to the cemetery for a while. It’s becoming an unhealthy addiction to hold on to you so tightly. I want to be so close to you, to wrap my arms around your memory and not let go, but I can’t.”

  My heart felt like someone had reached into my chest and was pulling it out piece by piece. “I’m stuck, Gabi. I’m at a point that I can’t move forward in my life. I can’t be everything to our daughter if I’m trying to hold on to the past. I don’t want to walk away, but I need to. You need to be free to roam wherever you need to go, while I need to find time to grieve you properly and finally heal.”

  Reaching toward her headstone, I kissed my hand before laying it on
her picture. “You’ll always be my first love, forever sealed within a portion of my heart. I know I’ll never forget you, and I’ll never let our daughter forget you either.”

  I looked up into the daylight and saw a single bird flying overhead. It was her favorite, a bald eagle, which was rare around these parts. Could this be her sign to me that I needed to let her go so she could soar amongst the clouds?

  Looking toward the sky once more, I stood up from her grave and tried to find the eagle, but it had vanished. Suddenly, however, I became aware of an intoxicating scent of black raspberry mixed with something I couldn’t make out. The scent was different from what Gabi used to wear which was a mix of sandalwood, vanilla, musk, and white peony. I thought about the name of her favorite fragrance and laughed at the irony. Only she would love a scent called Heavenly. Wherever this aroma was coming from, it was alluring and familiar. Where have I smelled it before?

  I turned away from her grave and headed to my car. Snapping me out of my haze was a voice asking, “Mr. Lombardi? Jackson? Is that you?”

  I turned the direction the voice was coming from and had to squint my eyes to make out the figure headed my way. The sun was directly behind her, causing her to be surrounded in an ethereal glow. The closer she got the more I saw it was Robin from my department. She was the intern who was shoved into the position my wife had held.

  Robin had been a real fighter. I’d expected her to sink or walk out on the position, but she pulled through helping me reshape the department and even grow it. Now with Dawn bouncing between my department and Rafe’s, we are able to take on the prospects of marketing Alexander’s new business ventures.

  “What are you doing here, Robin?” I took in her relaxed state of dress: a pair of slim jeans, a white button-down oxford with the sleeves rolled up, and a pair of ankle boots.

  I laughed a bit which caused her to look at me funny. Motioning between her outfit and mine, I said, “I guess if I had a pair of ankle boots, we’d almost be twins.”

  Normally, this would get a laugh out of her, but today the smile typically evident on her face was gone. She was usually quite a sight running around our department barefoot with her straight raven locks twisted up in a loose bun with a pencil or two sticking through it to hold it in place. The woman sometimes looked like a bomb exploded in her closet, but she had business sense that would knock the socks off of most men.

  I watched as her face came into view. Her eyes were a bit puffy and some moisture still resided on her cheeks – evidence of her tears. I reached into my back pocket and pulled a few tissues out. “When you have a two-year-old toddler, you always have tissues around.”

  I stretched out my hand, “Here. You might want to wipe under your eyes.”

  She quickly turned around, her face red with embarrassment. I watched as she pulled out a small compact mirror and tried to quickly dry her face. I was shocked, almost horrified as I felt my eyes begin to travel over the length of her back and home in on the delectable shape of her ass.

  My thoughts quickly drifted back to yesterday…I was stunned when Alexander invited me over to his house, even more so when I found out why. He’d asked me to follow him into his study where he sat me down and, in a nutshell, told me I needed to forgive Ethan. That was something I already was prepared to do, but what I didn’t expect was, “You’ll always be a part of our family, no matter what. Even before you and Gabi got together, I looked at you as another son. But it’s time to let go, Jax. Gabi wouldn’t want you to sit around and wallow in self-pity. She’d want you to remember her, yet she’d want you to move on with your life, find love again, and live to the fullest.”

  A hand gently squeezing my shoulder snapped me back to the person in front of me. “Are you okay, Mr. Lombardi?”

  I nodded. “Yes. Just deep in thought. So why are you here?”

  She pointed back toward the direction she’d come. “I was just visiting my dad’s grave.”

  I was shocked to hear that someone close to her had passed. “When?”

  “A few months back.” Her lips started to quiver as tears formed at the corner of her eyes.

  Feeling strong for once, I held out my hand to her. “Come here.” I felt her wrap her arms around me as she leaned her head against my shoulder. I don’t know what possessed me, but I found myself leaning my head against the top of hers and taking in her intoxicating smell. The feel of her body pressed against mine was so…

  I jumped, releasing her from my arms. What the hell was I doing?

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Lombardi. I should remember to have my emotions in check. You’re my boss, and I should be professional toward you even outside of work.” I raised my hand to stop her apology. “It’s my fault, Robin.” I grabbed her hands and gave them a squeeze, causing her to look up at my face. “My apologies. I had no idea you’d lost your father. Do you have any other family around? Anyone that you can lean on?”

  She shook her head. “I have a mother, but when I was a teenager she abandoned us, walking out one day and never coming back. My brother is in the Marines but can’t get leave.” Her shoulders shrugged. “I mainly have work, sir. That’s what keeps me sane right now. And you?”

  I got lost in thought during her explanation. “What about me?”

  She let out a half laugh. “What are you doing here?” She handed me a couple of the tissues that still remained clean. “You look like you could use the rest of these. Your face is probably as tear-stained as mine.”

  I pointed over toward Gabi’s headstone. “My wife is buried over there. I’m not sure if you ever had the chance to meet her during your internship.”

  She nodded and smiled while placing a hand on my arm and giving it a squeeze. “Your wife was the reason I stayed in school. I’d had a little trouble making the last portion of my final semester payment, but I astonishingly found the exact amount of money I owed on my desk one morning. I’d asked her if it was her, but she acted like she didn’t know what I was talking about; however, she was the only one I’d told that secret to.”

  “I had no idea. I’m glad she helped you out. If I’d known, I would’ve done the same.” I admitted, knowing what I said was true.

  Just then the wind picked up, blowing Robin’s hair into my face and causing us both to shake from the chill in the air.

  “I should probably get going. I guess I’ll catch you at work tomorrow.” I watched as Robin turned and started to walk away. I didn’t see a car anywhere in sight. No wonder I didn’t realize she was here.

  I called out to her as I started walking in her direction. “Wait. Where’s your ride?”

  “I took the bus.”

  Okay, now I was puzzled. The bus route didn’t run this direction or anywhere close to it. Knowing that my late wife had watched over her, I felt I needed to do the same. “I don’t like the idea of you walking miles to catch the bus, not on a Sunday and not with a chill seeping into the air. Why don’t we go get a coffee? Sounds like both of us are grieving and could be some friendly conversation to one another. Afterwards, I promise to take you safely home.”

  She stared at me for a moment, when another chill crept through the air and caused her to give in. “I guess there wouldn’t be any harm in that. Where’s your daughter?”

  I pointed toward my car as we began walking. “Nicola’s with my mother. It was emotional going to my cousin’s wedding yesterday, so my mom expected I could use some time to myself.”

  When we reached the car, I opened the door for her and watched her scoot down onto the leather seat. I hadn’t realized just how long Robin’s legs were or how crystal-blue her eyes were.

  I quickly closed her door, rushed around to the driver’s side, got in, and started the car. “Have you ever been to Frappes? I hear they have the best donuts and mochas in town.”

  I looked over to see a smile spread across her face. “Marissa often goes there and brings me back an extra macchiato and a Boston cream-stuffed donut.”

  Everyone around m
e seemed to take care of this girl. Actually, the word girl didn’t suit her because she definitely had the shape, feel, and smell of a woman. I had to crack the window a bit; her scent was sending signals to my body that my brain wasn’t ready to comprehend or acknowledge.

  I felt guilty going out for coffee, but I wasn’t cheating on my wife. I wasn’t trying to have anything more than a friendly conversation with someone who might understand what I’m going through and feeling on the inside.

  That’s what my mind was telling me. My heart, on the other hand, was fighting a battle with wanting to hold on to the past and with the need to let go and move forward.

  Friendship couldn’t hurt right? Or could it? It’s not like I needed her forever, or did I?

  I WAS RELUCTANT TO accept any offer from a man, especially after experiencing Declan Meyers. Who knew someone could be so damn manipulative. My mind instantly drifted back to my last encounter with him. “I own you bitch! There’s nowhere to run and no place you can hide that I won’t find you and drag your ass back where you belong. You are mine to do with as I wish, and you’d better not forget it.”

  The thought sent a chill up my spine. I had escaped, but was barely clinging to life at the time. My brother’s help, his military connections, and my father’s willingness to play along with the charade were the reasons I got out alive.

  I never knew what the meaning of evil was until I met my ex, and I sure as hell wasn’t about to fall for any man’s friendly offers so easily again. But this was my boss, Jackson Lombardi, who’d offered. I’d worked as an intern at his former father-in-law’s company for a year before taking a position within his department.

  Come on, girl. If he was any threat, he would’ve already done something. It’s only a lift out of this weather and to talk about your shared losses over coffee. Might do you some good to talk to someone, anyone. My subconscious was right. I’d worked with Mr. Lombardi for over two years now. He hadn’t once pressed me for anything other than to do my job and had rewarded my efforts by fast tracking me into his wife’s former position.